To Build a Home
by cranesinthesky
Summary: Post 9x05. Michonne and Rick try to find their way back to each other. (May contain spoilers).
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi everyone! This was inspired by a song posted by** wontlasttwodays **on** Tumblr **\- "To Build a Home" by the Cinematic Orchestra. I've been replaying Rick's last episode over in my head and figured I would come up with my own spin of how the story should play out. I hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think.**

 **Just a heads up- this first chapter is super angsty but I promise there will be some fluff in the story.**

* * *

She didn't know how she ended up back in Alexandria, back in their house. She felt numb, the memory of the explosion playing over and over again in her head, each time more painful than the last. It felt more like a dream than a reality like she was standing on the outside looking in.

This couldn't be happening. This wasn't real.

 _There is a house built out of stone_

 _Wooden floors, walls and window sills_

She remembered hearing a gut-wrenching scream, one so racked with pain and sorrow that she wanted to fall onto her knees.

It wasn't until she felt the ground beneath her that she finally realized that the scream was coming from her.

 _Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust_

Maggie and Carol sat her on the edge of her bed, their own tears streaming down their faces as they tried to comfort her the best way they could. Both women were at a loss for words so they used their actions instead. Maggie hugged her tightly, knowing all too well the pain of losing her husband right in front of her. Carol rubbed her arm lovingly, knowing all too well the pain of losing a loved one in front of her.

 _This is a place where I don't feel alone_

 _This is a place where I feel at home_

"He- he was right there," Michonne sputtered, her voice shaking with her each word. She felt her chest tighten as she gasped for air, the weight of it all convulsing through her veins.

He was gone. Rick was gone. How would she go on?

Her reason came in the form of a certain four-year-old little girl who ran into the room with concern etched on her face after hearing her mother's cries. Nora was behind her, attempting to usher her out of the room and give Michonne some space to grieve, but Michonne requested that she stay.

How would she tell her daughter another one of her family members was gone? She had already lost her brother.

Just the thought of both of her boys being gone nearly tore her apart again, but she held it together for Judith, careful not to scare her.

After Maggie and Carol left out with Nora, Michonne pulled Judith into her arms. Thinking it was just a casual hug, Judith pulled back after a few seconds. Her eyebrows furrowed as she searched her mother's face, sensing something was wrong but unable to piece everything together.

"Mommy is sad?" she asked.

Michonne nodded, sniffling as a new batch of tears fell from her puffy eyes. "Yes, Mommy is sad."

Judith placed her hand on her mother's cheek, her small fingers wiping away the tears. She placed her other hand on Michonne's other cheek and held them there for a few seconds. Michonne's heart broke as she closed her eyes, the realization hitting her hard in her aching chest.

This was Rick's way of comforting Judith. Whenever she would cry or wake up from a bad dream, he would take her face in his hands and it would instantly soothe her, knowing that she was surrounded by love and protected by her father's strong presence.

She pulled Judith back to her, embracing her tightly. Judith was too young to understand what was going on, but she would have to be told eventually. Until then, Michonne wanted her to feel safe, to feel protected. To know that she would do anything to protect her at all costs.

She was all she had left now.

 _And I built a home_

 _For you_

 _For me_

They held each other for a long time, finding solace in the other's arms. The sun had now set and darkness surrounded them in the house that was once filled with so much love and laughter. They had rebuilt this community- _their lives_ \- after the war with Negan. They did it for Carl because that's what he would have wanted.

Now, they would find to find a way to rebuild their lives again, this time without Rick. It's what he would have wanted.

 _Until it disappeared_

 _From me_

 _From you_

She was not sure how they were going to make it, but she would try. She had someone depending on her. Well, two, if her suspicions were right.

Her hand automatically reached for her belly.

 _And now it's time to leave and turn to dust_

Lyrics used: "To Build a Home" by the Cinematic Orchestra.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you so much for all your kind reviews! I have never written canon before so I'm pretty nervous about this story. I hope that I don't disappoint you. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Two days after**

"Michonne?"

She didn't turn at the sound of Nora's voice, just simply stared out into the darkness through the window. "What?" she asked, her voice husky.

Nora, standing in the doorway, shifted from one foot to the other. She had been staying at the house for a few days now after she had offered to help Michonne with anything she needed- whether it be with Judith or any community dealings. Maggie had also pulled her aside and asked if she could keep an eye on Michonne since her grief was so palpable. After such a devastating loss, her old friend feared that she was reverting back to the old Michonne, the deeply pained woman that had shown up at the prison years ago back in Georgia.

"I was wondering if you need anything before I leave for the night," Nora offered cautiously, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "Anything to eat that you would like for me to cook or if I need to take a final walk around the community…"

"No," Michonne answered, her back still to her. Her vacant stare suddenly focused and her gaze fell on the garden outside, the lively plants blooming with different fruits and vegetables under the bright moonlight. "No, I'm fine, Nora. Thank you."

Nora nodded, her heart breaking at the tone of her friend's voice. She sounded distant, tired and defeated. She had barely spoken to anyone over the last couple of days. The only person she had given her time and energy to was Judith as she tried to keep her life as normal as possible, dreading the moment where she would have to finally tell the young girl her father was not coming home.

"Actually," Michonne said, startling Nora. She stood and turned to her, her body obviously weak and tired from sleepless nights. Her eyes were red with dark bags underneath them. Her locs were hanging in her face, the cloth she usually had tied around them was gone. She didn't look like Michonne. More like a shell of herself.

"Can you please stay with Judith?" Michonne asked wearily. "I need a few minutes."

Nora nodded in understanding. "Of course."

Michonne slipped past Nora and descended down the stairs. She was about to head out of the front door when she stopped at the kitchen counter, her gaze falling instead on the papers she had loomed over a few days ago. They were right where she had left them before rushing off to the bridge.

Her face crinkled in pain as she stared down at them. The charter was her project but Rick was the heart of it, encouraging her to start it for the communities. Now, she wasn't sure how she would go about it. Not without him by her side.

Tearing her eyes away from the papers, she forced herself to walk outside into the cool night air. She inhaled deeply and the scent of earth filled her lungs, momentarily bringing her back to life again. She felt him out here and she could vividly picture him taking his morning walks through the garden, stopping at the end to visit Carl for a few quiet minutes before beginning his daily tasks.

A small smile touched her lips at the bittersweet thought that suddenly crossed her mind: he was with both of their boys now- Carl and Andre.

She walked through the garden, taking the same path that he would take. She used to watch him through the bedroom window some mornings when the sun had risen and the birds were chirping, and would often smile at that bow-legged gait. He seemed to be at peace in the garden, all while remembering the teachings and skills from their old friend, Hershel.

She stopped at the end near the tomato plants and lifted her head towards the sky. A gust of wind passed through and she could feel it wrapping its arms around her, holding her and comforting her as tears slipped down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save you," she whispered painfully to the wind.

"It wasn't your fault."

She smiled when she heard his voice. She imagined him standing beside her, could practically feel his presence just inches from her body- his body still strong, lean and unblemished. He gazed at her side profile as she stood there in his favorite spot. She knew it wasn't real, but she liked to think that it was. That he was still with her, even if it wasn't in the earthly sense or in her right state of mind.

"Those walkers," he continued, his voice clear as day. Oh, how she missed it. "They were headed towards our home. I couldn't let them destroy this. To destroy everything we built."

"But we lost you in the process," she exclaimed, breathing deeply. Her emotions flared up again and she didn't know whether to break down and cry or take out her anger by going out and killing some walkers. "Back when we began the war against the Saviors, you said that we would lose people, maybe even each other. The war has been long over, Rick. You weren't supposed to…"

Her words trailed off. She refused to use _that_ word because it would mean that he was actually gone. Forever.

"I wasn't supposed to lose you. Rick, I can't do this alone."

"You can," he said firmly, standing in front of her. She could smell him and her heart jumped. "And you will. This," he nodded to the thriving community around them, "was all because of you. Had you not have pushed me forward, this wouldn't be here now. Michonne, this place _needs_ you."

He paused, looking deep into her eyes. "You're the one that's going to have to move the others forward because you're the one who can," he said, reciting his words from their talk during the war. She had almost lost him that day. God, how she wished that this was just another false alarm, too.

The corners of his mouth lifting up into a confident smile. "I always thought that you would be the better leader. You used to say you believe in Rick Grimes. Well, I believe in Michonne Grimes. Now is your chance."

She shook her head in denial and looked down at the ground. He stepped closer to her, his breath on her cheek as he leaned in. "Fight for them. It's not about us anymore. It's about a future" he told her, his voice intense.

She closed her eyes. There were no more tears left to cry. At least, not for the moment. She felt a small flick of fire start inside of her, determined to make do of her husband's wishes.

She finally nodded her head and opened her eyes. As expected, he was not there anymore. But she could still feel him.

She took a deep, shaky breath. "I will," she promised, her eyes on the tiny brightly lit stars in the sky. "I will."

Michonne departed back into the house and, after wishing Nora a good night and letting her go for the evening, she headed straight for her bedroom. She walked to her dresser and pulled out a silver chain necklace from the small jewelry box that had once belonged to Deanna.

She took off her silver wedding band and looped the necklace through it, placing it around her neck so that she could keep it with her always. She pulled it to her lips and planted a kiss to it, closing her eyes and promising to herself again that she would do the best she could to move forward. For him.

Her body exhausted from having not slept for days, her gaze automatically slipped to the reflection of her bed in the dresser mirror. She shook her head. She couldn't do it. She couldn't sleep in the bed that they had shared, that they had spent so many nights in while laughing, talking and making love.

She refused.

She instead went into Judith's room, cuddling close to the person that depended on her in this new world and fell into a deep slumber, her husband's words in her ear.

" _Goodnight, love."_

* * *

"You're gonna be okay. They're going to save you."

Rick could barely open his eyes as he tried to register the voice that was speaking from above him. It sounded familiar, but it wasn't who he wanted to hear.

He needed to be with Michonne.

His body ached and he felt weak and nauseous. His head was spinning but his breathing was better than it was before…

The explosion, he remembered. He had been thrown off of the bridge as soon as the bullet hit the dynamite, blasting him and knocking him out cold. But he had seen Michonne, or what he thought was a hallucination of her.

He had to get back to her. He had to get back home. Home was wherever she was and, judging by the loud motorized sounds around him, this wasn't it.

He slowly opened his eyes, his head throbbing at the temples. The brown-haired woman sitting beside him looked down at him hopeful, a small smile on her face as she carefully inspected him. Her features were blurry at first but as his vision focused, his eyes widened in disbelief.

"You're going to be okay," Anne repeated, her voice breaking slightly at her own words.

"Michonne," he said in a raspy voice, his throat tight and dry. He was so thirsty. Still, her name fell from his lips. "Michonne."

The smile disappeared from Anne's lips, her mouth now a straight line. "We're going to get you back to her. We just have to make a little trip first."

He frowned, confused by what she meant. He turned his head slightly so that he could see where he was.

They were in a helicopter, far up in the sky and far away from recognizable land. Far away from any land, actually. The only thing below them was water for miles on out. He began to panic, his heart rate speeding at the realization that she was taking him away to some unknown place. Away from his family.

He glanced down at his body. He was in a hospital bed and the lower half of his body was covered in a white blanket. His shirt was open and his side was bandaged up heavily, the excruciating pain from before now a sharp throbbing. He had a nasal catheter in his nose. He guessed that this was a medical helicopter, but at the same time, he didn't care. He needed to get back to Alexandria.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked. He tried to raise his voice but his body wouldn't permit it. He cleared his throat, which was now burning.

"Someday this pain will be useful to you," Anne said, placing her hand on his. He quickly pulled it away, a pain shooting through him. She moved back, not even attempting to cover her disappointment. "I'm sorry, but I had to do this."

He tried to move his body in protest but he didn't get far. He suddenly became tired, his eyes losing the battle to stay open. He succumbed into a slumber, much to Anne's pleasure as the sedation began to take effect.

His dreams took him back to Alexandria.

She was there, looking over him while he lay in their bedroom. He was in no more pain and the bandages and nasal catheter were gone. He smiled up at her and reached to tuck a loc behind her ear. She returned his smile, but her beautiful brown eyes were filled with sadness and pain.

"I miss you, Rick," she said, her voice soft. She looked scared.

"I'll find you, Michonne," he promised her. He cupped her cheek with his hand and she settled into it, closing her eyes. A single tear slipped from her eye and onto his thumb. He wiped at the tear stains. "I'll find you."


	3. Chapter 3

I hope everyone had a great week and to all of those that celebrated Thanksgiving, a great holiday! Thank you so much for all of the feedback. Without further ado, here is chapter 3. Enjoy and let me know what you think!

* * *

 **1 month after**

He visited her in her dreams again.

He had been doing that since the night in the garden, showing up when she needed him the most. It just so happened that she needed him the most at nighttime, when she would sit and reflect on all of the time they had together Sometimes it was brief, sometimes it was for the whole night. He would be right there beside her in bed, laughing and telling her stories on some occasions. On other occasions, he would listen to her cry, wiping away her tears as sorrow filled his eyes. He never said anything; he just listened. Later, she would wake up with tears stains on her cheeks and an empty spot next to her in bed, cold and unharmed as if no one had actually been there.

He only stayed for a brief minute on this particular night. He was beside her just like always, but he was sleeping soundly on his side. He looked so peaceful, so real that she felt tempted to reach out to touch him to make sure he wasn't. But she couldn't move. Before she could react, her gaze fell on his hand placement and it nearly took her breath away.

His hand was placed gently on the swell of her stomach, her belly more noticeably bigger than it was in reality. She could practically feel the life inside of her move.

She woke up sweating and nauseated, her mind racing as she tried to make sense of it all.

Clearly, Rick was trying to tell her what she had already suspected. She just didn't have the guts to take the test to find out if they were both right.

Now, she sat on the edge of the bed, his denim shirt clutched tightly in his hands as she tried to figure out when her last period was. She went over each symptom in her head for the millionth time, finally forcing herself to face the reality of it all.

She was pregnant with Rick's child.

The pregnancy test confirmed it when she finally decided to check it thirty minutes later and once she was able to tear her heartbroken gaze away from it, the tears began to spill like a waterfall. She sat on the bathroom floor, her knees to her chest as her body shook violently with each sob that was emptied out of her.

She felt her soul crush and all of her hopes and dreams- _their_ plan for the future- vanish. This was supposed to be their joy. He wanted this just as much as she did and now he wasn't even there to enjoy it with her.

She couldn't do this. Not without him.

"Mommy?" A small voice on the other side of the door brought her back into the harsh reality and led her to the light on the other end of the dark tunnel.

"Judith?" She quickly stood and wiped her tears away before opening the door.

A pair of worried brown eyes looked up at Michonne, the young girl's hair disheveled from a good night's rest. She held a stuffed rabbit in her hand. Michonne recognized it from a run Rick went out on months ago and brought back for their daughter.

"Yes, baby?" She tried to keep her voice as normal as possible. She had finally broken the news to Judith that Rick wasn't coming home. The young girl didn't fully understand or grasp the concept yet as she still asked questions about Rick's whereabouts every now and then, but Michonne was determined to keep her protected.

"You can have my rabbit," Judith held up her favorite companion, hoping that it would provide her mother some comfort. "He helps me when I'm sad."

The kind gesture nearly brought more tears to form, her eyes already red and raw. She sniffed them back, squatting down so she was at Judith's eye level.

"Thank you, baby girl," she pulled Judith close to her and smiled when her small hands rubbed her back. "But I don't want to take him away from you. You need him too."

"It's okay," Judith said in her ear. "Daddy will bring me a new one."

Michonne pulled away, her tone gentle and her eyebrows knitted together in concern as she glanced at her daughter. Her heart broke into a thousand more pieces. "Sweetheart, daddy isn't coming back. He's with Carl now. They're in heaven."

"He visits me at night."

Judith's words made Michonne pause in shock as she tried to process them. "He visits you..at night? While you're asleep?"

She nodded, failing to see the impact her statement had on her mother. Instead, she pressed the rabbit to Michonne's chest, urging her gently to take it. She needed it. "He'll keep you safe."

"What does daddy say to you in your dreams?" Michonne took the rabbit in her hands, her gaze still steady on her daughter as she awaited her answer.

"That he loves me," she answered calmly. "He said to look over you and all of our friends." Her face broke out into a grin, beaming at the fact that her father really wasn't gone as her mother had said.

Michonne nodded, returning her smile as she blinked back more tears. "He visits me, too," she admitted softly. She reached out to smooth Judith's hair down, glad that she was more happy about this than alarmed. Such a strong girl she was.

"Read me a story?" Judith quickly changed the subject and was on her way out of the room before Michonne could even answer, the pitter patter of her footsteps across the old, squeaky hardwood floors.

She was back in no time, a recognizable book in her hand that Michonne would know anywhere. The cover was slightly worn from being both an older edition and from being read so many times by each member of the Grimes family. Michonne was sure that it had been used more now than it had before the world had ended.

"Wizard of Oz," Judith announced as if Michonne didn't already know. She noticed the exasperated look on her face. "Pleaseeee!" She pleaded.

Michonne couldn't resist. She kept thinking back on her promise and goal to keep Judith's life normal, so if this is what she had to do.

"Come on," Michonne stood and reached for her hand. She had to stop wasting time on tears; their community, her daughter and her unborn child needed her. "We can go outside and sit on the porch to read."

* * *

The heavy door opened slowly and the harsh light crept in, causing Rick to squint as he tried to focus on the person in the doorway. He shifted slightly from where he lay in the hospital bed, letting out a soft groan as a sharp pain shot through his side. He was hooked up to an IV and the clothes that he was wearing the day of the bridge were replaced with a hospital gown. He still wondered who had switched them out.

"Good. You're awake." He recognized the familiar voice before he could even see her and a scowl appeared across his face.

"Where am I?" he questioned her, his voice firm yet tight. He took a glance around. The room was small but set up like a hospital room. The curtains were drawn and there was no clock or calendar on the wall to even wonder what time or what day it was. How long had he been here?

"You're someplace safe," Anne said assuringly, nodding as she pulled a chair to his bedside. She sat down. "Don't worry. We're taking very good care of you here."

"But where is _here_?" he asked again, glaring at her. He tried to take a glance out of the window to see if he could maybe pinpoint the location but she immediately stopped him.

"Your vitals are well," she stated, ignoring his questions. He had asked the question daily for the last month and quite frankly, she was sick of it. He got the same answer each time. "Pretty soon, you'll be up and ready to move around outside of this room." She raised an eyebrow. "With supervision. We wouldn't want you to try and escape."

The frown on Rick's face deepened. "We?"

He had known there were other people outside of the walls. He could hear them throughout the day, talking as they worked outside and walked down the hallways of the building. But no one else ever came to visit him- Anne was the only one. There was another person one time, someone he assumed was a doctor as he inspected his womb and issued medication. Rick had been out of it then but had gotten a quick glance at him.

His vision had been blurry but he saw that the man was black, his hair braided and pulled back away from his face. Rick couldn't make out his facial features very well but noticed the glasses that framed his eyes. He was in and out of the room within minutes, gone as if he had been a figment of his imagination.

He wondered if he _was_ a figment and not a real person. Maybe it was another one of his dreams and the strange man just represented his want for escape.

Rick needed to get out of there. He wasn't sure where this place was but he would figure it out and get home. He couldn't take the pain, the distance between him and his home. His family needed him, _Michonne_ needed him. He hoped that they believed he was still out there, but chances were slim. They had seen the explosion, how big it was, and probably assumed he was gone down the river with the walkers.

The thought only caused more determination to build inside of him.

"Don't worry about it," Anne continued, waving his question away. She glanced at her watch. "Why don't I bring in something to eat?"

She waited for his answer but was only met with a hard glare. She returned it before standing.

"You'll appreciate everything I have given you one day," she said coldly, obviously not pleased with his treatment towards her. Her face softened suddenly. "I wish you could understand… I did this for you. To save you. You'll work out much better here, in this community."

She turned to walk away, but Rick called after her. "Let me go, Jadis!"

She stopped, her back still to him, but he noticed that her body stiffened at the mention of her old name, her old persona. She turned her head slightly. "Do not ever call me that again." And with that, she was gone, the door slamming behind her.

Rick sat up, his mind racing as he strategized a way to get out of there. His gaze immediately fell on the window. The curtains were pulled together but a sliver of light snuck through and fell on the cold, tiled floor.

He pulled the IV off and threw it to the side, then quickly made his way out of the bed. His body still ached and his legs were shaky, but he pushed through, his adrenaline pumping as he walked to the window.

What he saw on the other side was more than he had ever imagined.

* * *

"Mommy, where are we going?" Judith questioned, holding tightly onto her mother's hand as she glanced up at her.

Michonne smiled down at her. "We're going to visit Dr. Siddiq but not for you," she assured her quickly, noticing the frown that had started to form on the little girl's face. "I'm going to get a checkup."

The frown disappeared from Judith's face but her eyebrows knitted together. "You sick?"

"Not really. I just want to make sure I'm healthy and strong."

It had been three hours since Michonne had taken the pregnancy test. Now that she was positive, she wanted to make sure that everything was okay for both her and the baby. Her pregnancy with Andre had been easy, but that was back when she was younger with modern medicine. Now, after the end of the world, she didn't want to take any chances, not when there was a lot more at stake.

As they made their way to the infirmary, she was well aware of the curious gazes from their fellow neighbors. They were not sure of how to express their condolences verbally so they did it in ways that worked for them- some offered help when she needed, others kept their distance to give her time to grieve. They all knew what it was like to lose a loved one, a significant other, a spouse. But with this loss of their leader, it felt like a dark, gray cloud hung over their community, reminding them of the great man that had sacrificed so much for them but didn't make it in the end.

"Michonne," Siddiq said surprisingly as she and Judith stepped into the infirmary. He was standing by a patient's bedside, a chart in his hand. "What are you doing here? Is everything okay?" His eyes swept over the both of them as he searched for something that could be wrong.

"I was wondering if you had time for a quick check-up," Michonne said, trying to keep her voice low. She glanced at the patient and then back at Siddiq, hoping that he would understand what she couldn't say out loud.

He caught on. "Uh, yes. Actually, I do. Why don't you follow me to the back? And you," he turned his attention to Judith. "why don't you go play in the waiting room with Miss Rosita? Aaron found a playhouse on his run that I think you will like."

After Judith had happily run into the waiting room, Siddiq led Michonne to a small room in the back, away from any nosy or prying eyes. He instructed her to lie down and he placed a cold, clear gel on her stomach, causing her to flinch. She waited with bated breath as he looked at the ultrasound screen, her heart beating wildly as she silently called out to Rick.

" _I'm right here."_

She imagined him right beside her, holding her hand tightly as he also waited with bated breath for the first glance at their child, their future. She could see the pride in his eyes, the nervous lines etched in his forehead. He looked over at her and smiled, the smile reaching his eyes.

He looked happy.

"There you go," Siddiq said, pointing to the screen. They could hear the baby's heart beating fast, the sound like music to Michonne's ears. Tears began to spill out of her eyes and fall down the side of her face.

"Look at what we made," Rick said thickly. She could hear the lump that was in his throat.

"Yeah," she whispered. "Look at what we did."

An hour later, Michonne and Judith were back home making dinner in the kitchen. It wasn't the most complete meal but it would hold them over until the morning- tomatoes, spinach and eggs. Judith had taken a liking to tomatoes recently so Michonne was thankful that she wouldn't have to convince her to eat tonight.

Judith was sitting on the counter and in the middle of telling Michonne about her adventures with the dollhouse when they were interrupted by a knock on the door. Scott and Nora walked in, their faces unsure and skeptical. This was never a common occurrence and they had kept all issues within the community away from Michonne during the last month and instead went to Aaron, attempting to keep her stress free as possible. Whatever this was about, it was serious.

"What's wrong?" she asked immediately after sending Judith into the living room to play.

Scott and Nora glanced at each other, hesitant about whether they should actually be bringing her this issue. Michonne raised her eyebrows impatiently.

"Negan wants to see you," Scott finally said.


End file.
